Hipster Douchebags

Why do all these pretentious hipster twats look the same?

They shun the mainstream but they themselves have become the mainstream.  They’re so preoccupied with being different that they all look the same.

I drive Uber in my spare time and One particular night I ended up in a part of town where these fools can be found.  I dropped off my passenger and headed over to a Mcdonalds to use the washroom.  I was shocked to see a bunch of them in a Mcdonalds to begin with because Mcdonalds is so mainstream – lol. Anyway, all the dudes were wearing tighter pants than the girls, had handlebar mustaches or really bad beards in addition to a bad haircut. 

The girls were all ugly, which isn’t a huge surprise because female hipsters are all ugly to begin with. They wore their hair in a stupid – ass bun, wore big ass glasses, a scarf and a shitty leather jacket that they probably got at a thrift store. 

They were all drinking Mcdonalds coffee. I highly doubt that McCafe uses fair trade coffee which all these snobby pricks keep talking about. 

People tell me I hate on hipsters a lot and to live and let live.  I agree to ab extent. If a dude wants to wear pants that are way too tight, get lame tattoos, drink soy milk, overpriced coffee, listen to shitty music no one has ever heard of  and sleep with ugly women, then that’s his prerogative. However, when you walk around with your nose in the air with a holier than thou attitude and generally being an asshole, then you need to be checked.

….and by “checked” I mean that you need to get your teeth knocked out. 

Jacob – The Social Retard.

About six weeks ago my boss took some clients out for dinner and drinks. He had a couple beers and on the way home, he got pulled over and got charged with impaired driving. So he SUV got impounded, he spent the night in jail and got his license suspended for 90 days.

Being that he owns his own company, he needs to drive but he can’t because his license is suspended. So he had to hire a driver and the bookkeeper of the company actually hired her daughter’s boyfriend (Jacob) for the job – big mistake.

Talk about a social retarded, incompetent, degenerate 20-year-old loser with the personality of fly paper. At first I thought he might be autistic but autistic people are actually very intelligent in areas such as math or science. Jacob is just retarded. I work from home but from time-to-time I have to go into the office and when I saw him for the first time, I introduced myself like a normal person does. He didn’t even shake my hand and he just looked at me with a blank stare. It is like pulling teeth with this idiot just to get an answer out of him. He just sits there playing video games on his Nintendo DS and I’m told that when he goes home he does nothing but play on his computer. My boss’ son (Ray) asked him what he wants to do with his life and Jacob said that he wants to move to Las Vegas to be a professional video game player. I didn’t even know that there are professional video game players out there. Are they considered athletes?

When he first started driving my boss (Mick) around, he took him to a department store and bought him $200 worth of new clothes because he dressed like a hobo. He is a horrible driver and cannot remember how to get anywhere. My boss took him out to lunch every single day and never once did he thank him for it.

Jacob is what I like to call a Social Terrorist. He has a real “Serial Killer” type vibe to him and I’m actually concerned for his girlfriend. In fact they got into a huge fight a few days ago because they both went to a concert with some of her friends and he got mad because she wasn’t paying attention to him. I can honestly see him losing his mind if or when she dumps his ass. What amazes me is that he has a girlfriend to begin with. In order to get a girl to be your girlfriend, you have to be charming and have a personality. I’ve asked his girlfriend what she sees in him and she says “I love him and he’s not like that with me”. What she doesn’t realize is that she needs a guy who is normal around people in general. He’s either packing a big hammer or he’s finger banging her like crazy because I can see how fast his fingers move when he’s playing video games

Anyway Mick fired him and I’m not driving Mick around until Halloween when he gets his license back.

Driving around in a fully loaded 2015 Ford Explorer ain’t bad!

What’s up my brother?

It gets on my nerves when white dudes call me “brother”.  The only white dude who is allowed to call me “brother” is Hulk Hogan – he calls everybody brother. 

That’s a rip off from Hannibal Burress but, it’s true. 

I was driving Uber on Saturday night and I picked up four douche bags from the suburbs and drove them into the city to this country bar which seems to be really popular. 

There was a huge group of these idiots and they ordered three Ubers. Four of them got into my car and I started driving – three dudes and one girl.  This damn butana kept calling me “bra”.

Unless I’m holding up your mom’s tits, don’t be calling me “bra”.


Hello world!

So I’ve decided to start a blog. I’m actually a little self-conscious about it because my grammar, spelling and overall writing skills are atrocious but, after doing a lot of thinking and reflecting I found that I need some sort of creative outlet in my life. So here I am. I’ve decided to keep my identity and location a secret because I want this blog to run on pure substance. I think I’ve already shot myself in the foot  by saying that though, especially these days. Who wants to read something that doesn’t have pictures and videos? Even if nobody reads this, I believe that it is still good for me because it will help sharpen my writing skills. I’ve been out of school for a little while now so I really need to keep what ever writing skills that I still possess as well as improve on them. I think this blog will be more about improving on my writing skills as opposed to keeping any that I have.

For the longest time I’ve been against blogs. I don’t read and/or subscribe to any because I believe most of them are pure bullsh*t and I don’t really care about anybody’s opinion. That being said, I’m somewhat contradicting myself by creating a blog of my own. If anything, I’m doing this thing for me and if anybody else cares to read it, then that’s just icing on the cake. I have a lot of things that I need an outlet for and I think blogging is a good way to do that.

I actually used to keep a diary. I started it when I was thirteen-years-old and kept writing until I was about 25. One day I was home alone and I put all the pages of my diary (numerous notebooks) into the shredder. I felt as if it was almost a way of purging or cleansing my life of all the garbage. I wrote about nothing but the pain and heartache that I was going through in those pages and to this day, I’m glad I got rid of them. As far as I’m concerned, reading through all those pages would just be opening up old wounds.

I made a promise to myself to be more positive in my life so here I am. Here’s to positivity.